One Tenth of a Mile

by Sara on November 16, 2012

Yes we are still going full force working on the house.  Yes I am just dying for the day when it is all complete.   We have a date for a carpet install and shortly after Thanksgiving the rest of the flooring is going in.  Cue light at the end of the tunnel.

The last time I ran was almost a month ago.

Oh yea remember that time when I went to PT and they let me on the treadmill?

And all I was able to do was one tenth of a mile.  Followed by one tenth of a mile walk.  Repeat.  The first time I made it through 6 intervals before feeling some noticeable tightness in down the side of my left leg.

The second time I was more determined, and made it though all 10 intervals.

But I have not been back to PT since.  And I have not been to the gym since.  And since I have not been taking out time to run or exercise,  I haven’t been spending much time to really reflecting on life, or thinking of anything new or fun to write about on here.

My life has become pretty darn predictable.

There has been a lot of wine. And cheese. This is pretty much all I need in life to be happy.

But back to this PT thing.  Because this morning while cruising through the blog world, leaving a few comments here and there I came across this post by Abby at Back at Square Zero, about being a PT drop out.  I meant to leave a little “hey me too I know how you feel” comment and suddenly it was like all these thoughts were flying out of my fingers.  Whoa! Where did all this come from?

I guess it’s been building inside of me since the day I decided to stop going to PT and I had never really given myself time to think it over or write out exactly what went down.

I cannot even describe in words the excitement I felt starting physical therapy, although given the fact that I was no longer feeling pain day to day, I felt a little bit strange admitting to myself that I needed to be going to PT.  All I wanted in the whole world was for someone to tell me what I had to do so that I could run again.  I would seriously spend my hour session jumping on one foot tapping my head and rubbing my stomach if it would fix me.  That is how excited I was.

I was hopeful for a fix for the first time in months.

That excitement didn’t last long, because I started getting the impression right from the beginning that the PT’s I was seeing didn’t really care all that much about my injury.  I could be wrong.  I could just be bad at reading people.  It could be that I was always the last appointment of the day and by then everyone was tired and just wanted to go home.  It could be that they see dozens of other patients a day with much worst conditions or issues than mine and in their eyes I am not that serious.  It doesn’t matter what it is, I don’t feel like a patient of any kind should feel like their issue isn’t important.

If there was nothing wrong with me, I wouldn’t be there in the first place.  Something stopped me from running and I want to figure out what that something is.  And I can’t do it on my own.

It didn’t  help that I was seeing two different PT’s because of the days and hours I was available.  I was ok with my main PT, but the one I saw on the alternating days didn’t seem to take me very seriously because I wasn’t “his patient”.  I felt like I was paying money for something I could do on my own, with out the sarcastic comments and awkwardness.  If I wanted to do stretching and strength exercises while someone sat around near by and watched videos on their laptop I most certainly could find a way to do that for free.  (For the record I don’t have any proof that these PT’s were in fact, watching videos.  That is just my hunch based on their being on the laptops and hearing some other audio in the room that was not the radio).

The night before what was supposed to be one of my last appointments I talked to Ralph and decided I wasn’t going to go.  I was leaving work early two days a week, stressing over getting to the office on time, and then I wasn’t even enjoying myself when I was there or feeling like anything I was doing was making a difference.

So I didn’t go.

And then I never went back.

And the worst part of all is that I also, completely by accident skipped an appointment with my Orthopedic who wrote me the script for PT in the first place.  I didn’t even remember the appointment until well into the night that day.  No one from the office had called to remind me of the appointment.  No one called to

I felt kind of like a nobody.

Like my injury didn’t matter.

She can walk, and jump, and feels no pain what so ever on a daily basis.  Let’s just give her some x-rays and send her to PT for kicks.

I’m sure that’s not what they said but that’s how I felt.

It took me a while of talking to my mom and talking to Ralph to realize I did the right thing my not going to PT anymore.  It wasn’t worth putting myself through the stress of missing work to get to the appointments, and the unhappiness I was feeling at the appointments.  There wasn’t anything wrong with me, and there wasn’t anything wrong with them, it just wasn’t a good match.  Kind of like when you break up but it’s not anyone’s fault you just realize you are two people that don’t work well together?  So I guess I am not so much a drop out, as I had to break up with my PT.  Plus they wanted me to use the foam roller.  I loath the foam roller.

So for now I am dealing with the injury by not running.  Oddly enough the only time I have had pain in my hip (and NOT the side of my leg aka NOT my IT band) was after we spend the weekend painting, which I attribute to all the squatting to paint near the floor.

Since there are no races on the horizon for me, I am not in a rush to get back to running.  I figure the more time off can only do my body some good.  When I get back to it, I will probably start insanely slow, and stick to the treadmill, which works out really well with it being almost winter and all and me hating to run in the cold.

So that’s my story.

I’ve been away for a while – tell me what’s going on in your world these days?

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Abby @ BackAtSquareZero November 16, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Oh my gosh it is crazy how much our experiences are alike. I really felt like they didn’t care tons and thought- oh she is walking around ok so she is fine. They didn’t seem to understand that walking isn’t my goal, getting back to marathon running is. I just feel like they were not the right people for me, sounds like you got junky ones too:(

Sara November 18, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Yea I think the worst part was I felt no pain day to day so they didn’t really know what to do with me. Crossing my fingers that easing back into running again goes well.

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