Fitting Into My College Jeans

by Sara on September 6, 2016

Fitting

Ten years ago when I was living in San Francisco for a summer I met a friend who introduced me to the world of designer denim.  Now, as someone going to school for fashion design you would think I would have discovered this a lot sooner in life but I liked fashion more for the ability to be able to create things than the idea of spending a lot of money on a piece of clothing.  That summer I purchased the most expensive pair of jeans I had ever bought.  Crisp medium wash denim, flare leg, AG jeans.  They fit like a glove.

Those jeans, man I loved them.  I wore them religiously probably up until 2009 when I FINALLY decided to get on board with this skinny jean trend.  My beloved flares got buried deep into the closet and despite numerous moves and closet clean outs they remained the one pair I just couldn’t get rid of.

A few days ago while getting ready for work I couldn’t find the jeans I really wanted to wear that day.  As usual I had mentally decided on my outfit for the day while out walking Wesley. Now I just had to find all the pieces and put it together.  I flipped through all the pants hanging neatly in a row, not finding what I wanted until I reached the back of the closet.

Those Jeans!

I don’t know what it was about that morning but I felt this draw to put them on.  After all flares are back in style now, could I pull these off?  What do I even wear them with?  Did they even fit?

They didn’t slide on as easily as all my other jeans at first  {back then jeans definitely had less spandex} and as a tugged them up over my thighs I leveled my expectations real good.  These will not fit.  I will laugh that I even tried them on and then I will go back to hunting for what I was looking for in the first place.  Except they kept going on.  And then when I pulled at the waistband they buttoned so smoothly.  I was giddy with excitement and shock all at once and decided it was fate and I had to pull together an outfit that I could wear these with.  Wedges, a choker, a loose black teeshirt tucked into the front and a half up hairstyle.

{Was I about to go to high school or to work?}

At first I was filled with pride that I was still the same size that I was 6 years ago.  I felt so skinny! And because I felt skinny I felt happy.  Throughout the day though, the more I thought about it the more I realized it wasn’t about “being skinny”.  Because let’s face it, if I’m fitting into jeans I wore in college, I am the same size I was in college.  So I was proud of myself for staying the same size?  I guess that’s something to be proud of, plenty of people gain weight. But I was not the same person that last stepped into those jeans 6 years ago.

6 years ago, or the last time I put on those jeans, I honestly don’t think I could say I loved my body.  It’s been a rough ride.  Some of it documented on this very blog.   And some of it I’ve kept to myself.  Years ago I gave up stepping on a scale.  I realized I am not the type of person who can track food in a journal, log, or app.  I am not the type of person who can go after lean physique, a six pack abs, or a certain percentage of body fat and not have it mess with their mind.

{I could have easily become that person.}

For so long I surrounded myself with fitness and “health” and the idea that you had to look a certain way.  As social media became an ever present part of my life I could have compared myself to people I don’t know who’s lives I know nothing about.  I could have easily bought into what the industry has to sell.  Be skinny!  Restrict calories!  Eat diet foods!   Eliminate food groups!

Wearing my jeans from college made me realized that what I was proud of was adopting a life style that included none of those things.  I didn’t arrive at this place by restricting my food intake or becoming obsessed with exercise.  I don’t feel guilty if I eat a donut or don’t get in a certain number of hours of cardio.  Lean bodies are great.  Muscle strength is great.  Half marathon and 5k PR’s are great.

Enjoying life is even greater.

IMG_1865

Food is delicious. Enjoy it.

So here’s the thing.  Putting on those jeans was a great blast from the past.  My outfit was on point and my confidence that day was through the roof.  It was further reassurance that I would keep doing exercise that was fun and interesting.  I would keep eating real whole foods because they made me feel good and energized.  I would keep having wine with dinner and the occasional

Maybe I’ll keep those jeans

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